And So You Climb.

Often people will say to me, "I couldn't do what your doing." Or, "I can't even imagine."

The truth is we all have something in our lives that is difficult, something someone else would look at and say, "I don't know how they do it." 

Each obstacle in our lives are opportunities for us to stretch ourselves farther than we imagined possible, showing ourselves what we are really capable of accomplishing.

I think I found a way to illustrate what I mean. Have you ever been hiking?

Or perhaps mountain climbing?

Standing at the foot of a mountain is intimidating to say the least. Imagine yourself staring up at this infinte peek  feeling fear and anxiety swirl through your mind. You know the first step will be the hardest and struggle with coaxing yourself to do this insurmountable task.

There is no other away around it and so you do the unthinkable and begin the impossible.

Each movement in the beginning is painstaking and rigorous  You calculate each move with precision and thoughtfulness. 

Every new step is harder then the last and inside your mind race thoughts of all that can go wrong. These plaguing demons taunt you with ideas of retreat... but something deep within you keeps you going.

For inside of you lies a strength that has never been tapped into, and before this moment you didn't know it even existed.

Each new step reminds you of where you were and how much easier it was to stand on the solid ground that you left behind.

But somewhere in the climb a change occurs, calculated moves become mindless extensions of your body. Although, the fears and doubts still rest in the back of your mind they are now overshadowed by the determination that carries you up.

Your body seems to know what to do without guidance and movements that once seemed impossible for you to make, become natural motions.


Finally, before you know it you are standing at the top, breathing in the accomplishment of your great feat.

But suddenly you realize that your celebration is short lived, for in your vision now sits the next mountain that awaits you... taunting you once again with insecurities.

Again, you find yourself consumed with self doubt and uncertainty. How can you climb THIS mountain when your muscles still ache from the last?

You know that only one direction exists... so upward you go with same trepidation that weighed you down on your very first step.

As you painfully battle your way to the top once again you gain new confidence in yourself and what your body can actually endure.

But in the light of this new peek, as you relish in your success of conquering the rocks below, your vision begins to clear and a familiar sight comes into view once again...

And so you climb.


We all have mountains in our lives... if we don't presently,we will before long. Instinctively we cling to the safety of the solid soil beneath our feet but staying idol on the ground will only inhibit us from experiencing the breath taking views above.

Choosing to climb means we choose to feel the pain of the journey; but by making that choice we have chosen the ultimate reward, the beauty of the peek.. and it is so very worth it!

I will continue to climb every mountain that is laid out before me, until the day when I find that I have climbed my way to the majestic gates of Heaven.

What do you Hope for?

Have you ever had a hard time trying to determine which way was UP or DoWn... or <--- left and right--->? If you have ever felt lost in the DARK, trying to blindly feel your way out, you may understand where I'm coming from.

I have learned the hard way that every question doesn't necessarily have an answer. And that there are more colors than just  black and white.

In a world were your child's illness presents more questions than answers you  no longer know what exactly to hope for anymore.

When you're the parent of an undiagnosed child you may find yourself feeling as though someone handed you a menu of possible illness  and said,

"Please review the list of diagnosis and choose one to your liking." 

After quickly noticing a less aggressive, easily treatable one, you eagerly make your decision, only to find out there are no guarantees that you will get what you selected.

And so you find yourself fearfully waiting for an answer and questioning...

"How long will it take for them to return with a verdict and which one will it be?" 

Perhaps they will never return at all and you will be left wondering, 

"Where do we go from here?"

 What do you hope for when you live in the topsy turvy world where testing that comes back negative is not necessarily good news AND extreme measures of treatments that WORK are bad signs of prognosis?

What do you hope for when your child's constellation of symptoms don't fit into any one category, leaving doctors no choice but to run tests after tests?  In the end you are only left with more inconclusive information and uncertainty about your child's health and future.


What do you hope for when there are no good choices to hope for? It's simple...


You hope for another chance at today.

You hope for days without pain or hospital stays.

You hope for another opportunity to laugh louder, hug longer, and love deeper.

You hope for moments filled with lots of smiles and amazing memories.

You hope for wisdom to make the best decisions for your child, with no regrets.

You hope for answers and the strength to handle them when they finally come, no matter what they may be.


You hope that no one else has to feel this way and that someday children will never have to endure such things. And you pray that pain from your story will somehow have purpose, helping someone else that feels the sting of this kind of journey.

But above all else... you simply keep hoping, because without HOPE you have nothing!

In everything.....

"give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
 ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

So today I am giving thanks..... not because I have so much joy in my life at this moment that I can't help but give thanks, but because I need that joy desperately right now.

I think we often make the mistake of thinking that praise comes from happiness and that joy comes from peacefulness.  The truth is.....

it's praising God that gives us our joy and peace.

Today I will give thanks to God,

not because my children deal with various  illnesses,

not because I enjoy nights filled with restlessness and fearful moments,

but because for this moment I am taking my sleep deprived eyes off of my little storm and looking up to the only one that can make darkness turn into light,

the only one that can create a  life were there was none.

Giving God thanks in everything allows me to not wallow in self pity or remain broken in my circumstances, it reminds me that life is full of beautiful things and that struggles are only temporary.

There is joy to be found in today no matter what our circumstances may be, and by looking up to give God thanks we are able to recognize those joys and find peace during a time when we need it the most. 

So today I will first give thanks... and then I will pray.

Thank you Lord.....

~ For my beautiful family

~ For the roof over my head

~ For the sun that shined today on a broken world

~ For the breath that fills my body

~ For another chance to be who you called me to be

~ For the chance to feel your loving presence in the midst of a storm

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes. 5:18

Water on Our Wood

Lately, we've kind of had a string of not-so-great news. To be honest, I started feeling a little defeated as Todd and I spoke about the results of Cohen's biopsies from his lung bronchoscopy. And then somewhere in our conversation my wonderful husband reminded me of an amazing and frequently overlooked Bible story.

His words fell over me like a blanket of comfort, lifting my spirits and changing my perspective.

Todd said, "Remember the prophet Elijah? This is just more water on our wood, honey. Let them soak it so all the world will see just how remarkable our God is when he lights our fire; leaving no doubt as to who is responsible for our miracle."

Later in the day Cohen started running a fever. Because he has a central line he must be admitted and treated for a possible line infection. And now we must sit in the hospital for three days, waiting to see if his cultures grow bacteria... just more water on our wood. 

The prophet Elijah had a BIG job to do and he did it in a BIG way. He devotedly demonstrated the amazing faithfulness of our God, and so will we.

So go ahead and soak our wood 

if it will allow God's 

blazing fire to be undeniably recognized by all!!

1 Kings 18:20-39

20 So Ahab sent word throughout all Israel and assembled the prophets on Mount Carmel. 21 Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him.”

But the people said nothing.

22 Then Elijah said to them, “I am the only one of the Lord’s prophets left, but Baal has four hundred and fifty prophets. 23 Get two bulls for us. Let Baal’s prophets choose one for themselves, and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. 24 Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God.” Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.

27 At noon Elijah began to taunt them. “Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.” 28 So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. 29 Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention.

30 Then Elijah said to all the people, “Come here to me.” They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the Lord, which had been torn down. 31 Elijah took twelve stones, one for each of the tribes descended from Jacob, to whom the word of the Lord had come, saying, “Your name shall be Israel.” 32 With the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord, and he dug a trench around it large enough to hold two seahs[a] of seed. 33 He arranged the wood, cut the bull into pieces and laid it on the wood. Then he said to them, “Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood.”

34 “Do it again,” he said, and they did it again.

“Do it a third time,” he ordered, and they did it the third time. 35 The water ran down around the altar and even filled the trench.

36 At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed:

“Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. 37 Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”

38 Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

39 When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The Lord—he is God! The Lord—he is God!”                                                    

The Storm: A day in our hospital life

We already had a busy day planned when suddenly a great commotion over Cohen's PICC line and whether it was causing swelling in his arm created a major storm. I had an arm list of places I was expected to be and somehow the more the day went on the longer the list grew. 

Here is a glimpse:
7:30- Pre-Round evaluation

7:45- Mad dash to the cafeteria to purchase the biggest most caffeinated coffee I could find.

8:20- Pulmonologist arrives to Cohen's room to evaluate and take history. She was the first to comment on Cohen's arm. She also ordered x-rays and blood work.

9;30- Head to the Ronald McDonald House to pick up my two oldest girls to take them to their appointments.

9:50- Arrive back at hospital for the appointments.

11:15- Head to the playroom where the lovely Child Life Specialists have taken our super hero for a little play time.

11:30: Back up to our room where our nurse checked out his arm and requested an evaluation from the VAT team (the IV experts).

11:40- Fortunately, Rounds (the hallway gathering of  the medical team where we determine the plan of care for the day) were running behind, so I made it back just in time to participate. I was upset when I thought I would miss it because of the girls appointment. Because of Cohen's history it is so important for me to be there when they decide his plan. A very sweet Child Life Specialist hung out in the room with Cohen and the girls so I could actually hear the plan...lol

11:50- VAT team arrives, measures and evaluates his arm. She was concerned and made the decision to order an ultrasound to determine if the PICC line needed to be pulled and replaced.

12;30- Headed down stairs to get the girls over to their grandmother so that I could get Cohen to
x-ray. Our wonderful nurse went with us so that she could sit with Cohen while I rushed the girls over to the RMH where mamaw was waiting at the side door.

12:45- Wait for x-rays and remember that I was suppose to be in my home health evaluation at 1:00, once again my wonderful nurse stepped in and volunteered to notify her and reschedule it for later in the day.

1:20- Back up to the room when our sweet friend Amy (front desk coordinator for our floor) informed me that several home health people have been calling trying to reach me and that one was suppose to be here at 1:30. That makes 3 different home health people that had been trying to meet with me. Then, Amy sweetly asked me if I had eaten yet today.... hmmm that thought had not yet had a chance to enter my mind. Nor was ordering food a possibility since I apparently had a guest coming to train me on our home pump.

1:30- I was informed that Cohen's ultrasound would be at 2:30 and that a home health nurse would be here at 4:30 for my TPN training.

1:40- A very special girl visited us with a gift that finally broke me to tears, giving me a little Sunshine through the storm.

1:50- My pump training begins

2:20- Cohen falls asleep... of course, just in time to be woken up again.

2:50- Ultrasound transport arrives. Cohen was rudely awoken with a glucose prick test on his finger and then swept away to ultrasound... my sweet boy just rolled with punches.


4:15- We headed back upstairs. Amy asked again about the status of my food intake, which sadly still had not occurred... however the major headache had arrived.

4:30- Our home health nurse arrived but kept getting important phone calls so our training was became more and more delayed.

5:00- She finally looked at me and said, "You have had a long hard day and you look exhausted, let's just do this tomorrow." I think in that moment I heard angels singing.

5:30- Ordered food!

6:30- Finally, for the first time all day put food in my mouth!!!

7:00- Settled Cohen in with a movie so I could run over to the RMH to give the girls their nightly medicine and give some good night kisses.

8:00- Back to the hospital to give my little superhero his bath and nightly cuddles.

10:00- Finally got him to sleep and yep....you guest it, I CRASHED!

Sunshine Through the Storm

Yesterday, in the midst of our crazy day our front desk friend Amy appeared at my door. When I opened it she introduced me to a beautiful young lady named Zoe,

Zoe told me that she had spent a lot of time in this hospital on her journey to heal and now she wanted to bring a little joy to someone else in the midst of their own journey.


She handed me a sweet little giraffe for Cohen and then to my surprise an amazing  gift of $100. I could see the love in her eyes and the joy she had from being on the "WELL" side of the hospital door. Finally, the emotion of the week caught up with me in the gesture of one incredibly sweet girl.  I couldn't fight back the tears any more. She was just the sunshine I needed in the middle of our little storm.

It is so humbling to be on the receiving end of such an incredibly generous gift.

I will be forever grateful to you sweet Zoe and the gift of joy that you gave me when the weight of the day was at it's peek.

Thank You For Being Part of The Promise

Dear Friends and Family,

When we packed up our life almost seven years ago and headed a hundred and fifty miles East of everything we knew, we put our faith into practice. We learned firsthand that following God usually means leaving behind your own ideas of what you think you NEED or WANT.
We have always believed firmly that God put us on this path. And although He didn't see fit to reveal the details of this journey to us in advance, we have leaned on His promises for protection over our family. 

I have heard it said so many times that you don't need to attend a church to worship God or to establish a deep relationship with Christ. And although that logic may be true I can't help but feel saddened for those that are missing out on some of the most amazing benefits of being a Christian. The love and support that comes from a church family cannot be measured, which is why for us our first priority after relocating was to find a new church. 

We had already experienced this kind of love by the amazing church we were leaving behind, a church family that has continued to support us throughout the years. The idea of finding a new place to worship was difficult. It seemed impossible that we would find that same kind of love again... yet we did!

We said good-bye to everything and everyone that was familiar to us. It was quite an adjustment and took some getting use to the anonymity that came with moving to a place where we knew NO ONE,so imagine our surprise when... 

One Sunday morning we decided to visit a church that was associated with our old church. But something happened when we walked inside, a miracle of sorts, definitely something that we could have never predicted. We were greeted by the Pastor with a wonderful welcome... 

"You must be the Bramlee Family." 

To say we were shocked would be an understatement, we thought we would be slipping into a room full of people who had never even heard our name before. How could this be? How did they know us? We hadn't told anyone we were going to be visiting this church, in fact up until a few minutes before we left that morning we had planned on visiting another one. Todd and I had been praying diligently that God would clearly reveal to us which church He wanted us to call our new "Family." 

The two of us looked at each other and instantly knew that we were, "home."

From that day on we have received strength, comfort, and support from this new family that God saw fit give us. 

Now, here is the part that is most difficult to share, simply because it infringes upon my pride and stretches my humility, however, it is crucial in illustrating God's amazing handy work.

All throughout medical school God used our church, family, and friends to not only sustain us spiritually but also financially, with mysterious monetary gifts that would pop up just when we needed it the most. It has been hard to admit that there were times when things would get that tough but there were, and God provided each and every time. 

We knew when we accepted this calling we would be required to make sacrifices. We were prepared to trust God when things got difficult but what we didn't expect was the amazing ways in which He would provide for us.... continuously!

We were told that medical school loans couldn't financially meet the needs of a family our size. So what does God do to prove His mighty power... He shows off by sustaining us with not only the three children we started with but then gives us two more little blessings just to prove His point.

When that wasn't enough of a show He demonstrated His power by: providing a brand new home for us, giving us new friends that would act as family in times of need and provided for our kid's medical challenges by putting just the right people in our path when we needed them the most. 

There was an instance when we didn't have enough money to make it to our next pay check. I went to the mailbox with a tongue in cheek attitude and said, "Okay God, how about a miracle in the mailbox." And to no surprise to those of faith guess what I pulled out... a check for a hundred dollars. He put that plan in the works before we even knew we needed it, nor did the sender know that there was a desperate need for it. I have seen God act in so many amazing ways.

Throughout our journey we not only experienced many peeks but many valleys as well. I have been heartbroken at times, watched my kids physically suffer, gone without many things I would have "liked" to have had, but never once did we ever go without daily provisions that were needed and never once did we ever loose our JOY. 

In the midst of our trials we have also seen many miracles... from neighbors offering to buy our house before we had a chance to list it for sale, medical bills being wiped away because of a "mistake on their part", to exact amounts of money surprisingly appearing when it was needed, I could go on for days with more examples.

These blessing didn't come to us because we are any more worthy than anyone else but simply because we were willing to completely surrender everything to God's control (which is not an easy task for this control freak).

So many family and friends have supported us during this journey with their prayers, financial gifts, child care assistance and encouragement. There will never be a way to convey the true depths of our gratitude for every blessing that we have received. 


To all of you that have reached out to us in anyway, whether it was a much needed meal, or a note of encouragement, please know... 

You were part of a promise that God had made to us before we walked through the threshold of our journey. 

You have been used to fulfill the blessings that came with obeying a plan that never made earthly sense. 

You gave us the courage and support we needed to commit ourselves to His will...

How can we ever thank you enough!

Please accept our deepest love and appreciation for your selfless gift of support to our humble family.

All Our Love, 

The Bramlee Family

This Little Light

On the corner of a busy street sits a big house full of people seeking a lot more than just shelter. In the middle of that house there is a beautiful light. And although most never notice it in the midst of the grand fixtures of the beautiful atrium, it's there, hidden behind the glass of a high window.

I can't help but feel nervous every time my eyes wonder in that direction, praying that it's illumination is muted with darkness. Ironic, since typically it is our desire for lamps to provide light, however not this one, for the silence of it's darkness means hope. I often avoid looking for fear of what I might see and then one day it happened... 



The light in all it's splendor was aglow peering from behind the glass of the highest window. My heart sank and began to ache for the recipient of it's illumination, for because a light left this world this light now shines.

This beautiful fixture stays lit for 24 hours whenever a child of this "home" returns to their eternal home. 

You can't live here without knowing and falling in love with other families. We become each others biggest fans and cheerleaders, supporting each other in ways others can't. So when that light shines for one, it breaks the hearts of all.

The truth is I can't help but feel connected to this light in a very special way, for if it had been standing here many years ago.... then it would have been lit for my sweet little sister. It was just before this house of hope was built that she went to her eternal home, in the very same hospital that I now seek help for my little ones.  

I have often visualized this little light 
specially lit in her honor, in celebration of the beautiful light that she was to  those that loved her, just as it has been for so many other children of this home. 

By the Light of the.... Little Pump

I have recently become aware of new talent that I have unknowingly developed. Isn't it funny how you can move through your day and not even realize that you have picked up odd habits.

I don't mind to admit that our little superhero has challenged everything I know... or thought I knew about child rearing. Nothing with Cohen has seemed to follow suit with his four older siblings.  But I have had to learn how to grow and stretch my understanding of parenting in order to accommodate his unique needs. Along the way I have not only learned many things about myself but I have apparently developed new gifts as well.

So what is this new talent you ask...

Well, awhile back all of our bedroom clocks decided to retire themselves and for one reason or another they were never replaced. Now, it has come to my attention that I have found another more unconventional way to tell the hour throughout our long nights.

A short while ago I realized that I have been periodically waking and looking at the level of Cohen's formula to determine the time. Because Cohen has the same rate every night, I can tell how much time we have left for sleep by looking at how much formula he has left in his bag. It's a strange gift I know and one I had been developing for longer than I realized.

Who knew that when we welcomed that glowing little noise maker into our bedroom that I would find another extraordinary use for it (I mean besides its, sustaining the life of my child one).

I guess you could say that this is my little way of turning lemons into lemonade!

Feeding Cohen: How To Setup a Kangaroo Joey Feeding Pump

Our littlest bullfrog doesn't do things conventionally... so why should eating be any different.  For the past nine months he has required enteral feedings to survive.  He had a NG tube placed last September but was later switched to a gastronomy tube (G-tube) because he can't eat food and refuses to take in his formula orally.  Our little guy is on continuous feeds for 22 hours a day, which requires us to refill his formula every four hours around the clock.  

The idea that your child needs external resources to thrive is difficult to digest and can be very stressful at first.  We were just kind of thrust into this new life and given very little instruction on how to navigate through it.  Although, I was given a brief lesson on how to run our pump during our discharge, my sleep deprived overwhelmed mind was less than focused. So when an IV pole (which required setup) and a bag full of supplies finally arrived at my door at 11:00 at night I was feeling slightly defeated to say the least!    

I have created a video, which explains the basic steps of setting up an enteral feed.  I hope this information will become a resource for others that are trying to feel their way through this process.  

Just remember you are not alone and things will get easier as you become acclimated to this new way of feeding your little one. 

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Life With An NG Tube