A while back, I had a conversation with someone who revealed the true fears of her heart to me. It was apparent that her words were not at all intended to hurt me or judge our family's journey but truly express her very real fear.
I haven't been able to get that conversations off my mind. Her fears are not isolated to her, in fact I imagine that there are many others that share the same feelings as this beautiful woman, but have not found the courage to speak the words.
"I am afraid to have a baby, I don't think I could handle having a sick child."
Here is a letter to her and others that share her fear.
Dear Friend,
I do not begrudge you for your fear of being faced with the idea of living my journey, having a sick child can be frightening. None of us feel equipped emotionally, mentally, or even physically to keep up with the demands of caring for a child with special needs, but take heart there is far more to this journey than the struggles we face.
Your words of fear broke my heart. Not because you hurt me but because I can see that your fear is deep and has paralyzed you, denying you one of life's greatest treasures. I hope that my words can speak to your heart and paint a different picture for you of motherhood.
No one would ever choose to have their little one suffer in any manner. As parents we want to believe that our children will be born into a perfect world, never experiencing pain or disappointment, however that is not a reality for any of us. I can't promise you that your pregnancy will go smoothly without complication or that your child will be born with all of their parts working properly, but what I can promise you is this... their birth makes you their mother. In one brief moment you are instantaneously transformed into the most important person in the life of another human being, and that feels amazing. The fear you have now transforms into love, a love like no other.
Every journey of motherhood is full of ups and downs whether your child is healthy or not. For the first time in your life you will question every decision you make because the consequences effect more than the person in the mirror. But those decisions evolve you into an incredible person, one you never imagined you could be. You will struggle at times but in return you will find more joy than you ever dreamed possible.
These little lives bring purpose and balance to a world of chaos. They remind us of everything good in the world and inspire us to find that same good within ourselves. Not all days will be easy but true happiness can be found in each of them if we choose to find it.
There are many good reasons to choose to not be a parent but I pray that fear will never be one of them for anyone. Every life has purpose. Every life is beautiful. Every life is worth the cost that comes with living. Your greatest loss would be missing out on this kind of love due to fear.
So please dear friend do not fear my journey, for my journey is a good one and this little life that I have been entrusted with is worth fighting for. I would rather know a life with him, this way, than live a life never having known this incredible little spirit.
All of My Love,
A Mother of a Special Needs Child
A while back, I had a conversation with someone who revealed the true fears of her heart to me. It was apparent that her words were not at all intended to hurt me or judge our family's journey but truly express her very real fear.
I haven't been able to get that conversations off my mind. Her fears are not isolated to her, in fact I imagine that there are many others that share the same feelings as this beautiful woman, but have not found the courage to speak the words.
"I am afraid to have a baby, I don't think I could handle having a sick child."
Here is a letter to her and others that share her fear.
Dear Friend,
I do not begrudge you for your fear of being faced with the idea of living my journey, having a sick child can be frightening. None of us feel equipped emotionally, mentally, or even physically to keep up with the demands of caring for a child with special needs, but take heart there is far more to this journey than the struggles we face.
Your words of fear broke my heart. Not because you hurt me but because I can see that your fear is deep and has paralyzed you, denying you one of life's greatest treasures. I hope that my words can speak to your heart and paint a different picture for you of motherhood.
No one would ever choose to have their little one suffer in any manner. As parents we want to believe that our children will be born into a perfect world, never experiencing pain or disappointment, however that is not a reality for any of us. I can't promise you that your pregnancy will go smoothly without complication or that your child will be born with all of their parts working properly, but what I can promise you is this... their birth makes you their mother. In one brief moment you are instantaneously transformed into the most important person in the life of another human being, and that feels amazing. The fear you have now transforms into love, a love like no other.
Every journey of motherhood is full of ups and downs whether your child is healthy or not. For the first time in your life you will question every decision you make because the consequences effect more than the person in the mirror. But those decisions evolve you into becoming an incredible person, one you never imagined you could be. You will struggle at times but in return you will find more joy than you ever dreamed possible.
These little lives bring purpose and balance to a world of chaos. They remind us of everything good in the world and inspire us to find that same good within ourselves. Not all days will be easy but true happiness can be found in each of them if we choose to find it.
There are many good reasons to choose to not be a parent but I pray that fear will never be one of them for anyone. Every life has purpose. Every life is beautiful. Every life is worth the cost that comes with living. Your greatest loss would be missing out on this kind of love due to fear.
So please dear friend do not fear my journey, for my journey is a good one and this little life that I have been entrusted with is worth fighting for. I would rather know a life with him, this way, than live a life never having known this incredible little spirit.
All of My Love,
A Mother of a Special Needs Child
I do not begrudge you for your fear of being faced with the idea of living my journey, having a sick child can be frightening. None of us feel equipped emotionally, mentally, or even physically to keep up with the demands of caring for a child with special needs, but take heart there is far more to this journey than the struggles we face.
