Thursday, February 2, 2017

Groundhog Day

Forget the little critter that pops it's weather predictive little eyes out of the ground to break the news of a longer winter to the world.  It's the iconic movie, Groundhog Day that fills the minds of my generation, when we think of Feb. 2.

Even the idea of repeating your BEST day, over and over again seems annoying and frustrating but living a bad day over and over again, seems unbearable.

Exactly one month ago to the day I sat in this very same surgical waiting room waiting to get my sweet boy back again. These walls are way too familiar, as are these feelings.

He is only 4, but....

14 15 times I have gone through Pre-Op evaluations with nurses and doctors.

14 15 times I have sat for hours playing and distracting him from the monotonous passing of time while we wait for our turn on the sterile stage.

14 15 times I have watched him bravely endure the details of this day.

14 15 times I have walked him through the cold double doors pretending to be listening to the small talk of the nice orderly.

14 15 times I have stood and smiled at a room full of blue hats and said, "No I don't have any more questions."

14 15Times I have watched his beautiful eyes roll back into his sweet head while he drifted off to assisted sleep.

14 15 times I have heard the words, "Don't worry mom we will take good care of him."

14 15 times I have kissed his little head and told him I loved him as I turned away, leaving him with a room full of strangers.

14 15 times I have walked down the cold hallway swallowing my tears, trying to pretend I was okay for the benefit of my concerned escort who asks, "Are you doing okay, mom?"

14 15 times I have felt an enormous lump in my stomach while I waited for his sweet little name to filter through the air for my turn at an update.

14 15 times I have been called into a little room to find out that we now have more questions than answers.

14 15 times I have waited to have him back in my arms, yearning for the moment that I get to stand by his bed while he slowly comes back to consciousness.

14 15 times I have wondered when does life get easier for my beautiful little boy.

14 15 times we have endured this Groundhog Day... we're ready for a new day.

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