Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Fight or Flight

Imagine a room full of smiling strangers all making over you and playing games and then suddenly holding you down against your will. Now, imagine that you're only two years old and through your tear soaked eyes you see the one person in the world that you love the most and cry out to them for help... only to have them aid in your immobilization. Out of desperation to break free from the pain that they are inflicting, your fight or flight kicks in but since these strangers have eliminated your ability for flight.... you fight with all of you have.

How do you convince a two year old to lie still while a well meaning medical team painfully inserts a tube past his stomach into his intestines? How do you convince him that he needs this to stay alive and that your not trying to hurt him but desperately trying to help him?

The answer is you don't, honestly, I don't even know if I fully understand it. How did we get to the point where it is necessary to inflict pain in order to help him? These things that Cohen must endure are for his well being and that is an emotionally difficult place to be as a parent. 

This month has been exhausting to say the least. My little ones have had more than their fair share of pricks, pokes, and personal invasions but they have come through them all with sweet smiles and brave hearts... I am so proud to be their mama! 

People ask me all of the time, "How are you so strong?" but the truth is I get my strength from these little ones. I am only as strong as they need me to be at that moment. Don't get me wrong I'm not exempt from stress and fatigue, I just don't have time to give into them.

During an interview today, for an upcoming Ronald McDonald House newsletter, I was asked to recount our experience here. It was the first time that I had stopped to really take in what we had been going through. Together we have endured four surgeries, inpatient stays with three different children, an MRI under anesthesia, testing that lasted over three hours, accidental tube coming out, one trip to the ER and countless appointments.

When your in the midst of a battle you don't stop to reflect on what is happening around you, you just fight through each trial with every bit of your strength. 

My greatest lesson from all of this is that we must seize every opportunity to replace our brokenness with joy every day.

My perspective of life has dramatically changed over the course of the last two years, giving me a new appreciation
for each day spent with those I love. I have been humbled countless times by the generosity of others and have seen just how much good really exists in the world.

Although, this year the Christmas season has looked a little different for us... I know we will appreciate it more than ever! 

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