But know that although my heart is heavy and my spirit broken, my faith will never waver.
Recently, I have felt the tears of mothers that lost their children, I've hugged little ones about to loose a parent, and heard discouraging words from my own child's doctor. Unfortunately, these are just a glimpse of the heartache that surrounds me right now. But although I am broken... I am not crushed.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
My heart has ached more in the past few weeks than it has in a lifetime. I vaguely remember the days when I didn't have to think about illnesses and children dying. I used to live in a world where those things were distant concerns that didn't impact my day to day, but today they plague my every thought.
I hope you understand that my words are real and deep and come from the core of my soul... they are the voice of my brokenness.
And it is because I have witnessed true pain that I cannot remain silent.
I feel compelled to ask you the question that lies closest to my heart. How can we do any of this without God, without the realization that there is something more?
I have seen God's mighty hand over me and my children, I have felt His presence during fearful moments and rested in His reassurance of a better tomorrow.
And though I have searched thoroughly, I have not been able to find any earthly resource that can offer me those things.
Yet, still I hear and see others who feel this faith is merely a weakness on my part... that there isn't really anyone out there listening to my prayers... that my faith is a crutch to get me through difficult times.
But let me ask you this... who has more at risk, the one who believes and is right... or the one who assumes there is nothing more, denying the ruler of the universe and choosing to live only for this brief moment in time?
If I am wrong than I have lost nothing, but if I am right.... then I have gained eternal life.
My gain is True Life... not this painful earthly existence.
My gain... is a greater joy than can be found on this side of heaven.
My gain is an eternity filled with peace... no more fear or suffering.
My gain is a reunion with all those that already wear their crown of jewels... and a spirit that never experiences death.
What do you loose if you search for the truth... listen to your heart and seek out a bigger purpose for your existence?
You were created. You have a purpose. You were intended for so much more.
What you have been searching for your entire life... can't be found in any of the things this world has to offer.
You will not find your peace until you find your maker. He waits for you and your pain... and He longs for your love.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and burden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. Mathew 11:28-29
It is through my brokenness that I am truly healed. It is because of my weakness that I can be strong. It is by His grace that I have purpose. And although I have felt great pain along our journey I have received unimaginable blessings each and everyday.
My eyes have seen the wondrous gift of His love through the miracles that surround me daily.
Make no mistake about it, there is HOPE and his name is JESUS.