The Birthday Blues: Cohen's Update

This time last year I was preparing for the arrival of my sweet number five.  It was a rough ending to an already difficult pregnancy so I was more than excited for our due date.  I can't believe how fast time as gone by,  but what is even more unbelievable to me is what it has taken to get here.  My poor little guy has had a very rough start to his beautiful little life and it has been so difficult to watch him go through so much pain.

Before his FPIES diagnosis he had several hospital stays that were filled with needles, tubes, and countless tests.  I never dreamed that this little bundle of joy would experience so much discomfort in his first year of life.  We are so very thankful for the blessings that we can celebrate with him and that he is growing well despite what he has been through; but that doesn't take away some of this disappointments that come with his disease.

I have celebrated 4 first birthdays, all of them with so much excitement and of course that famous picture with little cake filled hands and icing mustaches.  There is just something about seeing babies tear into that first confectionery delight,  which seems to have become a type of  passage into toddler-hood.  I guess that's why I have so much sadness when I think about this special day.  I am only human and I can't help but find my mind often dwelling on the things that my little guy can't do...one of which is EAT...so obviously that means no cake diving baby pictures for our little scrap book!

I know that my sweet boy won't miss it....but his mama will!

You right!  It isn't the end of the world.... and yes I am very blessed to even have a little one to celebrate with, but just for a moment I need to be sad.... just for a moment I am going to let myself morn the loss of that image of a baby becoming a cake diving one year old.... just for a moment I am going to let myself be mad that my child doesn't live a "normal life".   

I really haven't been able to bring myself to think about that special day in detail, in fact I can feel myself become anxious when I think about it.  I am sure if my little man could talk he would tell me that the greatest gift I could give him right now would be to make him feel better.   So for now,  instead of planning a big day filled with festivities we are planning a hospital stay full of needles, tubes, tests and surgery.

I promise I won't let myself linger in this rut of sorrows or keep my focus on all of the negatives for to much longer.  Perhaps as early as tomorrow I will once again see the silver linings that hoover around me.... but for right now in this single moment...

I am sad

Mathew 11:28 

"Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

* Positive birthday post will come I promise...complete with our foodless cake idea!

A Decade plus 1

I lived many years before I figured out my purpose in life....and then one day I reached the place in my journey when everything finally made sense...  August 28, 2002 I became a mother.

I won't pretend that it has always been easy but I couldn't imagine my life any other way!  If you asked me eleven years ago what motherhood would be like I would have probably have given you a first time parents view of a uncertain world.

But my experiences thus far have taught me many things...
~ crying babies eventually stop crying,                                
                  ~ bruises don't always mean concussions,
               ~ teething eventually ends,    
   ~ children aren't perfect but your love for them should be
~ discipline may change behavior but discipleship changes hearts
        ~ not all kids sleep through the night,
~ children develop at their own rate....without regard to what the books say
~ little ones have minds of their own,
              ~ all children are gifted at something,
                                ~ your comparisons to others are never accurate
                                                        ~your children won't always like you...and vise verse
~ mistakes are always accompanied by apologies... this goes for the children too
~ children have no regard for TIME,                                ~ life looks a lot more beautiful through little eyes,
                                         ~ flexibility breads enjoy-ability
~ nothing replaces pleases and thank yous,                                   ~ little hands make mighty big messes,
                                              ~ just-a-minutes never take only one minute,
                                              ~ in a blink of an eye today will turn into yesterday
~ little hearts quickly grow regardless of how much love they are filled with... so we must not waste a single opportunity
  ~ Mommies and Daddies only get one chance to get it right!

But most importantly I have learned that I must cherish every moment that I am privileged enough to have with these beautiful blessing from above

Thank you sweet boy for challenging  me daily to be a better mother tomorrow then I was today.

                                             

   

Happy Birthday Todd Christopher

I love you to the moon and back again!

greatest-most-difficult-day-of-my-life

                       

James 1:17  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change

Reflections of the Shadows

It is so easy to only focus my reflections on the peeks in my life, the times when all is well and life is easy.  It is far more enjoyable to pretend that nothing bad ever happens and that my road to the present has only been filled with smiles and giggles.  But if I don't take the time to record the valleys I will miss out on being able to fully appreciate those coveted peeks... the times when the sun shines brightly on my little world.

It isn't easy moving through these present days but I get to make a choice....either sercome to my circumstance or fight through giving the best of me to those that count on it most.

Recently, there have been many disappointments that I have had to accept but each one has helped me realize something... I have been trying to get through this alone.  After repetitively asking God to change the situation, it finally hit me....maybe it isn't the situation that needs to change....maybe it is ME.

I want to be the person that God has created me to be, but first I must remain fully surrendered to His will. What if this bump in my road is SUPPOSE to be here.... perhaps it isn't so much a challenge as it is an opportunity to mold me back into the shape I was intended to be.  This world has a way of chiseling away my heavenly shape and leaving me looking different than God had intended.  I will choose to feel the pain of being reshaped once again... so I won't miss out on what God has planned.

Now... I am praying for a change in ME and that I will have strength to take on each day no matter what it holds.  I hope that every shadow in my life brings me closer to God and that I embrace each as an opportunity to become the beautiful creation that HE envisioned when he breathed life into me.

"God meets you where you are but never leaves you there" Rev. Jack Graham

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.